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Do You Need Expert Advice On German Sheppards; FROM A GERMAN SHEPPARD EXPERT
Topic Started: 9 Jun 2011, 06:23 PM (7,544 Views)
German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Wytch
10 Jun 2011, 08:58 PM
Norfolksue
10 Jun 2011, 03:58 PM
Sucker4browneyes
10 Jun 2011, 03:55 PM
What are white german sheppherds crossed with to make them white?
S' obvious, Milky Bars............. :sofa:
:rotflmao: You'll believe anything, you will..........

......Milky Bars indeed..........pshawwww!











Everyone knows it's washing machines.....

:OMG: Washing machines!!!!!

No Wytch, that is NOT the answer. Please refer back to my serious reply on this subject.

This is very dangerous advice to give to someone who has no expert knowledge or expertise in the breed.

NOTE: PUTTING A GERMAN SHEPPARD IN YOUR WASHING MACHINE CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE THE MACHINE AND MAY NOT BE COVERED BY THE MANUFACTURER'S WARRANTY.

Nigel & the sheps
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Rooneysdad
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Sadly missed , never forgotton !
German sheppard lover
19 Jun 2011, 12:40 AM

edited to say: Moderators, if you think I've over-reacted here, FINE! I think Sue owes me an apology.I'm sure the other members will agree

Comments duelly noted Nigel but you have to bear in mind & consider the fact that she does come from Norfolk ?? :thud:


But personally , i thought everybody knew they were called German Sheepards for a reason ?
Thats why my Germans are called Alsations , cause they are black & tan & not white . :thumbs up:



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Deleted User
Deleted User

Dear Nigel,
we've just got back from the hospital. :cryingtissues: I tried wot you said about dressing up as a bone but as soon as I sprayed myself with gravy all the little dogs in the area started to try & eat me & I had to run around like a lunatic trying to get them off. I fell over & this huge mastiff took me from behind. :o :o Bob needed some of Pat's tenas he was laughing so much. :cryingtissues:
2 hours later when I could stand up we had to go to hospital as Bob had a hernia from laughing so much.

Oh & Sasha decided she'd just have loads of fun with all the small dogs & Mum could bog off as usual. :dramaqueen:
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German sheppard lover
18 Jun 2011, 10:30 PM
Sheba'sMum
9 Jun 2011, 06:35 PM

She is nearly 5 years old & went to stay with Arnty Pat when she was little & was taught to be a good girl although when she came back home she started laying on her back wiv her legs open whenever there were men about. :o :thud:
please can you give me some help?

:swoon: Oh Coral Coral Coral

I am sorry to say that you should NEVER have sent her to Aunty Pat's training skool. :noway:

Did you not REALIZE that dogs copy what they see their trainers do???????????? :thud:

It's quite obvious to me what Sasha has witnessed Pat and her ALL FEMALE staff doing and all I can say is that I'm skusted that you sent your innocent dog to THAT hussy to be taught the things she has.

I'm afraid that Sasha has gone completely off the rails and there is no hope for her. Put knickers on her and hope for the best.


Nigel & the sheps
I know, I know, but it was before I realised wot that Pat was like & I thought she was just a sweet old lady wot trains dogs to behave. Trouble is Sasha's taught the other girls to do it as well & even Jake joins in sometimes. Has that woman corrupted all my dogs now? :thud: Do I need to put knickers on him too & would my pink extra large full size briefs do him any mental damage?

As for the motorbike, we can't afford to get her own bike, would it be ok if we invited a friend round with his bike every week & asked him to take her for a ride?
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Megatronic
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wots missing Pat a lot
Dear Nigel :worthy:

Can you tell me why Meg is so norty? :duel:


and I thought gsd's were intelligent, do you think Benson might be crossed with something :stars: ....... like a fluffy cloud :lmoa:
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
megatronic
21 Jun 2011, 09:31 PM
Dear Nigel :worthy:

Can you tell me why Meg is so norty? :duel:


This is a toughy. I think she is being norty to get your attention. What you have to do is ignore her when she is norty. When she chews up your new sofa or your tv remote, she's just BEGGING you for attention. IGNORE HER! Don't give in and start taking notice of her. If you do, you will be letting her see how weak you are as a pack leader. Just go out and keep buying new sofas and tv remotes every time she chews one up. (The other matter about her chewing up your collection of pornographic films and magazines, I have replied by pm, so no-one knows about that - and no, dogs can't read)

On the norty recall front - please refer to my article on dressing up as a bone, as advised by me to Coral (IS Coral married ? She's very pretty :brow: - ) and I think you should find her running away will stop. (Meg that is, not Coral).

With regard to her not doing a sit stay - tie her up. That will make her stay. If she chews through the lead, as is sometimes the case, ask your vet to take her teeth out. That usually stops lead chewing.

Glad to be of help with these difficut problems.

As for your last problem you mentioned in your pm to me - I think you and your husband should go and see a sex therapist, or at very least a marriage guidance counsellor. I don't think your demands are 'unusual', I think your husband is just a prude.

I'm sending you my leaflet 'when your dog is norty and your husband is a prude'.

Nigel & the sheps
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
megatronic
21 Jun 2011, 09:31 PM





and I thought gsd's were intelligent, do you think Benson might be crossed with something
Oh deary deary me.

gsd's are NOT intelligent, they're whingey. Alsations are intelligent, but as I have stated before, they turn. Make sure you know what you want before you buy next time. I think he could be cross between a german shepherd and an alsation, but without actually seeing him, it's hard to tell. He could also be dim because he's white. This is very common in white alsations. It's their Jeans.

I'm sending you my leaflet ' is my dog dim because he's a white Alsation?'


Nigel & the sheps
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
RIGGLES
11 Jun 2011, 06:43 PM


Dear Nige.....hoe do yoo get your mussuls sooo big ?....oh sorry.......wrong forum .... :embarassed:




Dear Nigel.............i have two German Alsation Dogs.................i don't really know why because i reeeely wanted a Coarse coated , Romanian , Alternative Pomeranian .........or a C.R.A.P for short .... :embarassed:


So my question is............How can i make my current dogs act like C.R.A.P'S ???



Fankew
Well Riggles (That's a VERY attractive name :brow: - are you male or female),

As I am only a German Sheppard Expert, I can only really suggest that you exercise your two dogs with only Coarse-coated Romanian Alternative Pomeranian dogs so they learn how to behave like them (incidentally, there's no such breed as a German Alsation dog. The German Alsation dog is a MONGREL!!! Crosses between German sheppards and Alsations are NOT recommended because it can cause deafness). C.R.A.P. dogs should really only be kept by C.R.A.P dog experts - there's a lot of them about.

If I was you, I'd stick to your German Sheppards. At least that way, you always have an expert to call on if you need any more advice.

I'm sending you my leaflet 'How can I make my dog a C.R.A.P dog and should I really want one'

Nigel & the sheps

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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Vittoria
11 Jun 2011, 07:06 PM
Dear Nigel,

:funny face: Do you have to be mad to be a GSD owner?



confused of cricklewood

Dear confused ( :brow: ) of cricklewood


the answer to your question is YES.


I'm sending you my leaflet 'Am I mad enough to be a GSD owner'. Read it in the shower, wearing a snorkel.


Nigel & the sheps




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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Vittoria
11 Jun 2011, 07:06 PM
Dear Nigel,

Also is it ok to hold a conversation with them?





Since German Sheppards only understand German, there's no point in trying to start up a conversation with them. It doesn't pay to get too friendly anyway, for a start they might turn on you and if you let them on the furniture, they start putting their blankets on the sofa, so there's nowhere for you to sit. They are known to do this at the side of hydrotherapy pools, so all the other dogs cannot get a bed.

I'm sending you my leaflet 'should I learn to speak German so I can have a chat with my dog'. It will help you decide whether you're the right kind of person for having conversations, in german, with a dog. :rolleyes:


Nigel & the sheps
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Rooneysdad
19 Jun 2011, 07:34 AM
German sheppard lover
(time=1308440409 I think Sue owes me an apology.I'm sure the other members will agree[/quote

Comments duelly noted Nigel but you have to bear in mind & consider the fact that she does come from Norfolk ?? :thud:





I know Norfolk. It's near Norwich. Norwich is where Norfolk terriers come from. I think Colin, you are being a bit area-ist. That's not allowed on an open forum. :noway:

I'm sending you my leaflet 'how can I overcome my prejudices against dim people from Norfolk, near Norwich'.

Nigel & the sheps
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
I trust that my free expert advice on German Sheppards is helping the lesser educated people on here. Please note, my freeness is for a limited period only. If you have any questions you are too embarrassed to ask your dog trainer, please feel free to ask for my expert opinion on here, or if it's of a more 'delicate' nature, feel free to pm me and i will answer as discreetly as I can - bearing in mind, I AM a bloke.


Nigel & the sheps
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Megatronic
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wots missing Pat a lot
German sheppard lover
11 Jul 2011, 11:45 PM
megatronic
21 Jun 2011, 09:31 PM





and I thought gsd's were intelligent, do you think Benson might be crossed with something
Oh deary deary me.

gsd's are NOT intelligent, they're whingey. Alsations are intelligent, but as I have stated before, they turn. Make sure you know what you want before you buy next time. I think he could be cross between a german shepherd and an alsation, but without actually seeing him, it's hard to tell. He could also be dim because he's white. This is very common in white alsations. It's their Jeans.

I'm sending you my leaflet ' is my dog dim because he's a white Alsation?'


Nigel & the sheps
thank you Nigel for your very experienced advice :worthy:

I didn't realise Benson was white though, maybe that’s what the problem is. I’ve got to have my eyes tested! :funny face:
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Norfolksue
Member Avatar
Wot wishes she was pretty like Pat......hhmmmm
German sheppard lover
12 Jul 2011, 12:26 AM
Rooneysdad
19 Jun 2011, 07:34 AM
German sheppard lover
(time=1308440409 I think Sue owes me an apology.I'm sure the other members will agree[/quote

Comments duelly noted Nigel but you have to bear in mind & consider the fact that she does come from Norfolk ?? :thud:





I know Norfolk. It's near Norwich. Norwich is where Norfolk terriers come from. I think Colin, you are being a bit area-ist. That's not allowed on an open forum. :noway:

I'm sending you my leaflet 'how can I overcome my prejudices against dim people from Norfolk, near Norwich'.

Nigel & the sheps
Oooh Nigel you is soooo cleva and kind wiv your leaferlets and stuff - how can I stop my german sheppard going in every river he see's - i already av a paddelin pool for him - but he mostly likes stinky ditches, puddles wiv mud in and rivers........ :GSD:
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
megatronic
12 Jul 2011, 09:03 AM
German sheppard lover
11 Jul 2011, 11:45 PM
megatronic
21 Jun 2011, 09:31 PM





and I thought gsd's were intelligent, do you think Benson might be crossed with something
Oh deary deary me.

gsd's are NOT intelligent, they're whingey. Alsations are intelligent, but as I have stated before, they turn. Make sure you know what you want before you buy next time. I think he could be cross between a german shepherd and an alsation, but without actually seeing him, it's hard to tell. He could also be dim because he's white. This is very common in white alsations. It's their Jeans.

I'm sending you my leaflet ' is my dog dim because he's a white Alsation?'


Nigel & the sheps
thank you Nigel for your very experienced advice :worthy:

I didn't realise Benson was white though, maybe that’s what the problem is. I’ve got to have my eyes tested! :funny face:
:whiteshep: Just because he isn't white now, doesn't mean to say he won't turn white. He'll probably turn anyway.

(Important: safety warning: If you sense that he is about to turn, put a large, raw jacket potato in his mouth and carefully push his teeth into it. Then he'll only be able to bite the potato. King Edwards potatoes are best for this because they all once belonged to King Edward. Dogs are not allowed to bite anything belonging to royalty by law).

Nigel & the sheps
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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Norfolksue
12 Jul 2011, 12:51 PM
German sheppard lover
12 Jul 2011, 12:26 AM
Rooneysdad
19 Jun 2011, 07:34 AM
German sheppard lover
(time=1308440409 I think Sue owes me an apology.I'm sure the other members will agree[/quote

Comments duelly noted Nigel but you have to bear in mind & consider the fact that she does come from Norfolk ?? :thud:





I know Norfolk. It's near Norwich. Norwich is where Norfolk terriers come from. I think Colin, you are being a bit area-ist. That's not allowed on an open forum. :noway:

I'm sending you my leaflet 'how can I overcome my prejudices against dim people from Norfolk, near Norwich'.

Nigel & the sheps
Oooh Nigel you is soooo cleva and kind wiv your leaferlets and stuff - how can I stop my german sheppard going in every river he see's - i already av a paddelin pool for him - but he mostly likes stinky ditches, puddles wiv mud in and rivers........ :GSD:
At last a simple problem for me to sort out!!

Fill your dog's paddling pool with dirty, filthy, smelly water and some fish. Add a couple of rats and some stray fishing hooks, a couple of tin cans and an old Tesco's trolley and hey presto!! Your dog will think he's in the river.

I'm sending you my leaflet 'how can I make my dog believe he's in a dirty, stinking, filthy river, with fish and rats, tin cans and Tesco trolleys when it's really his paddling pool'...I think it will make interesting reading for you and give you something to do in bed.

Nigel & the sheps
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shovelears
GSD Lover
Dear Doc, how long until you get to my Bonsai and the Exploding Baked Potato Question? I just can not contain my excitement any longer!

Und falls Sie wirklich denken, dass es hilft wenn man mit seinen Hunden deutsch spricht...? Ich glaube, ich koennte mit meinen Hunden chinesisch sprechen und sie wuerden immernoch das tun, was sie wollen! Deutsche Schaeferhunde sprechen kein deutsch, sie sprechen wirklich nur hund.

vielen herzlichen Dank fuer Ihre Mithilfe!
mit hochachtungsvollen Gruessen,
Frau D. S. Hund
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Jennysmum
If only I could go up the pole upside down

shovelears
13 Jul 2011, 12:02 AM


Und falls Sie wirklich denken, dass es hilft wenn man mit seinen Hunden deutsch spricht...? Ich glaube, ich koennte mit meinen Hunden chinesisch sprechen und sie wuerden immernoch das tun, was sie wollen! Deutsche Schaeferhunde sprechen kein deutsch, sie sprechen wirklich nur hund.

vielen herzlichen Dank fuer Ihre Mithilfe!
mit hochachtungsvollen Gruessen,
Frau D. S. Hund

:rolleyes: You shouldn't talk to Nigel like that..he ain't gonna like it!!!! :noway:

Pat wot worries for shovelears safety when Nigel gets on the board. :sofa:
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shovelears
GSD Lover
just testing his theory.....
anyway, does everybody who owns a Chinese Crested speak chinese? Do you need to be able to speak french to own a Bichon?
maybe we have called out our expert? looking forward to his answer...... :wave:
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Rooneysdad
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Sadly missed , never forgotton !
Jennysmum
13 Jul 2011, 12:09 AM
shovelears
13 Jul 2011, 12:02 AM


Und falls Sie wirklich denken, dass es hilft wenn man mit seinen Hunden deutsch spricht...? Ich glaube, ich koennte mit meinen Hunden chinesisch sprechen und sie wuerden immernoch das tun, was sie wollen! Deutsche Schaeferhunde sprechen kein deutsch, sie sprechen wirklich nur hund.

vielen herzlichen Dank fuer Ihre Mithilfe!
mit hochachtungsvollen Gruessen,
Frau D. S. Hund

:rolleyes: You shouldn't talk to Nigel like that..he ain't gonna like it!!!! :noway:

Pat wot worries for shovelears safety when Nigel gets on the board. :sofa:

I spoke to my Rooney & Bear this morning & they translated this quote for me .

'Do and if you really think, that it helps if one with its dogs ... German speaks? I believe, I Chinese could speak with my dogs and would do it immernoch that, what they want! German shepherds speak no German, they speak really only dog.

Many sincere thanks to for your assistance! with respectful greeting'


I said 'Vielen Dank' them & i would 'Geben Sie an der Nachricht weiter' :thumbs up:

Colin wots just going to remove the dog towels from his sofa so he can sit down & put dirty/mucky/smelly water in his paddling pool , so Bear feels like he is at home ??

Wonderful advice Nigel :thumbs up:

:worthy:

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shovelears
GSD Lover
Ah! very clever doggies of yours, Colin! but would you have had the same conversation with them, if they were Akitas? :rotflmao:
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Rooneysdad
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Sadly missed , never forgotton !
shovelears
14 Jul 2011, 10:38 AM
Ah! very clever doggies of yours, Colin! but would you have had the same conversation with them, if they were Akitas? :rotflmao:

Sorry , neither they or i speak Japanese , only German ?? :thumbs up:





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Jennysmum
If only I could go up the pole upside down

Rooneysdad
14 Jul 2011, 03:16 PM
shovelears
14 Jul 2011, 10:38 AM
Ah! very clever doggies of yours, Colin! but would you have had the same conversation with them, if they were Akitas? :rotflmao:

Sorry , neither they or i speak Japanese , only German ?? :thumbs up:






:swoon: COLIN!!! You're beginning to sound JUST like Nigel!!


Nigel is a German Shepherd expert and don't do Akitas, chinese cresteds, Pomeranians Labradors, westies, or any other dog wots not a proper dog!




WOT???


Pat wots just bowing to Nigel's superior knowledge of the German Sheppard
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Rooneysdad
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Sadly missed , never forgotton !
Jennysmum
14 Jul 2011, 08:32 PM
Rooneysdad
14 Jul 2011, 03:16 PM
shovelears
14 Jul 2011, 10:38 AM
Ah! very clever doggies of yours, Colin! but would you have had the same conversation with them, if they were Akitas? :rotflmao:

Sorry , neither they or i speak Japanese , only German ?? :thumbs up:






:swoon: COLIN!!! You're beginning to sound JUST like Nigel!!



I would never profess to know more than Nigel :worthy:


Colinwotknowshisplace&standsinaweofNigelssuperiorknowledge :thumbs up:




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German sheppard lover
German sheppard adviser
Rooneysdad
14 Jul 2011, 07:26 AM





Wonderful advice Nigel :thumbs up:

:worthy:

Hey! No problem mate :thumbs up: . I am an expert after all


Nigel & the sheps
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